If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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