I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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