I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
