What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
