i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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