3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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