I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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