he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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