If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
