TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
