i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i drank out of a bidet.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
