so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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