It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
