guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
