Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
