Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
