U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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