i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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