life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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