My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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