after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
