I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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