i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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