I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
