I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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