Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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