you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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