he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
