Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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