I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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