If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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