Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
