The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
