Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
