I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
