Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
