his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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