dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
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