im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
