Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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