Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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