She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize