Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
She's JV to your varsity
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
