everyone is single if you try hard enough
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
