I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
