you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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