so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
