it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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