i think my mom watched the whole time
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
