shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
