I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
