dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
