i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
