fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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