Dude my mom stole all your condoms
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
