Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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