Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize