What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
