dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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