I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
