She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
