oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize