I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
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