i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
