I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize