Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
